The latest news from my side. Household work has gone à la carte. The last maid-servant we had hired has left. It’s time to hire a new one. And as anyone who has negotiated for a maid-servant in Mumbai will testify, it is a damn difficult job. As expected, their rates are high. But what is more surprising is the level of detail they go into while negotiating. It is as if they have attended a session on Scientific Management at some IIM or so. They will give you a breakdown of each work and the amount of money they’ll take for it.

For instance, this is what the lady had to say while quoting her rates.

Rs 400 – Washing clothes (assuming 4 people)
Rs 600 – Washing utensils, drying them and placing them in the cupboard (400 for washing and 200 for drying)
Rs 400 -Jhaadu pocha.
Rs 400 – Dusting furniture (excluding windows)
Rs 200 – Cleaning windows.
Rs 200 – Cleaning bathrooms.

That works out to around Rs 2200 for a month’s worth of work. And oh yes, before I forget, here’s the clincher – the paid-leave clause. The lady is expected to take 2 days of leave per month. But if she doesn’t, you have to give her that two days’ worth of pay.

Wow, even I have never gone into such a level of detail during my salary negotiations. Maybe this is not a bad strategy to adopt. After this level of detail, you just don’t have any room left for negotiation. You pick what you want to get done, and do the rest yourself. Obviously the wife isn’t too thrilled about this.

Let’s see, hoping the previous maid resolves all her family problems and returns. Else it is time to tighten the purse strings and make some difficult choices.

Here’s an interesting observation. 4 of 5 people on the street wear earphones the wrong way around most of the time. ie the earphone marked left goes in the right ear and vice versa. Chances are that if you’re listening to music right now through headphones, you may be guilty of the same thing.

Trivial but interesting. Read on. By people on the street, I’m excluding the hard core music buffs who use start of the art noise reducing beauties. Here I’m talking about the average person who uses it for listening to radio or hands free. I’m sure the average person doesn’t check the labels on the earphone before inserting it into a particular ear. But then chances of getting it wrong should be around 50% Evidently its much higher than that. Now if the wrong earphone feels right in the wrong ear, it must be that the earphone designers are doing a bad job of designing the earphones. Why don’t then earphone designers remove the label from earphones, or better still why don’t they reverse the labeling so at least the right earphone goes into the right ear, even if serendipitously?

Confusion is the first step to enlightenment

This may seem to be an off hand remark about some esoteric zen philosophy but every time I say it out or think about it, I realize more and more how true it really is. Confusion results from a question. The question results from the desire to know something. The question results in the individual finding out the answer to the question. Finding out the answer to the question leads to enlightenment. And so you have it. Confusion is the first step to enlightenment. There, I’ve become a philosopher.

Dharma rocks, yo!

What’s with the sudden increase in the incidents of shoes being thrown at politicians all around the world? Recently India has witnessed a rapid rise in such incidents, most of the targets being politicians. The latest incident is that of a school teacher throwing his shoe at Congress MP Naveen Jindal. Has it now become the choice of protest for us? Has burning effigies gone out of fashion? Why the hell am I posing so many questions?

What started out as a moment of boldness by Muntadhar al-Zaidi, the journalist who threw his size 10 shoes at George dubya Bush as a farewell gift is all set to metamorphosis into a national phenomenon. And luckily the targets have been well-chosen. Politicians. Now that is a group disliked and hated by members of all communities. And with the general elections coming up, the emotions of the public are likely to be on the edge. And that is why I fear we could have a tipping point very soon. Iraq is already training the next generation of shoe throwers who can aim better and harder. If the politicians don’t get their act right, the day is not far when the audience will let out a shower of dirty muddy shoes on the local neta when he comes out the next time promising bijli, sadak, and pani or asking for votes.

And as usual the MBA part of my mind strategises how I can make money out of it. I’m wondering whether it would be a good idea to buy shares in footwear companies. If the demand for such shoe hurling increases, then companies will have to ramp up production and I will make some serious capital gains. Or should I start a shoe polishing shack near the venues of election rallies. I can encourage people to shine their shoes before they let their anger out on the netas. For 5 Rs more, you can get a premium shine with extra polish to get some extra shine (on the neta’s face).

However you can count on the cunning politician to convert even this ridicule into a thing of pride. They’re most likely to say, “People have thrown shoes at me and at my opponents too. I respect them for that. But what I am here to proclaim is that I have been hit by your shoes for the most number of times. That shoes shows how much you love me. If you elect me, I promise to open new shoe shops in your town. We can have annual shoe flinging competitions where the best thrower will get a chance to campaign for me in the next election. So I ask you to please vote for me.”  Remember to press the right button. Our election symbol is shoe polish. You provide the shoe, we provide the polish.”

To paraphrase the whole trend, I will borrow a dialogue from Frank Miller’s 300

Common Man – A thousand billion citizens of the Indian Republic descend upon you. Our shoes will blot out the sun
Politician – Then we will fight with your soles (souls?)

I’ve written in the past about unwanted email forwards and how they are more hilarious than irritating. Recently I received an email about ‘Do not open this mail, it contains a dangerous virus.’ The one thing that comes to my mind is that people who actually need such instructions would have already opened such mails and downloaded the virus, and people who do not need such warnings would be well off even without the forwards.

The surprising thing about email forwards is that no one is immune to sending them, even if the person has decades of experience in an IT company. Indeed most of the forwards are sent by techies having nothing better to do than to keep checking their inbox every 10 minutes. If only they would be so proactive in their coding.

The logic used by the people who chain-forward is that it is better to be safe than sorry, or why take chances when it is free of cost. Agreed, that forwarding an email doesn’t cost a dime, but no one keeps track of the time wasted on forwards and checking such emails. But the problem is that people (at least here in India) are gullible about most things on the Internet and most of them fail to do a simple background check before clicking that Forward button and spamming contacts with unwanted emails. Combine that by inserting a religious theme – Lord Ganesha will be furious, or Shani maharaj will do unwanted stuff to you in the future etc. and you have all the elements of a blockbuster chain email. I have yet to see what the situation is in more ‘developed’ countries. Still I’ve seen such chain messages even in YouTube comments so I’m not too confident about the situation being otherwise there too.

I divide email forwards into three categories:-

1) Totally useless/harmful – These are the kind of mails which do not provide any value add whatsoever. Most of them include a scary warning about relatives dying, or god cursing the receiver of the email if he or she doesn’t forward the email to 25 people in the next 4 hours or so.

2) Well intentioned but inaccurate – Out of the three types, these seem to be the largest group of email forwards which make the rounds. They consist of a seemingly useful piece of information which has been twisted, turned, exaggerated to make it seem more dangerous and urgent to act upon. Most of the time, it is all the handiwork of an idle person. These would include the rumours of plastics in Kurkure (read the clarification here), or the Coke-mentos story. Probably the Kurkure email was started by some over enthusiastic parent wanting to dissuade children from eating junk food. One of the most famous series of this category is the ones where Microsoft or Yahoo claims to donate 1$ every time a particular email is forwarded. Agreed, Bill Gates is philantrophic but if he decides to donate his money based on chain emails, his net worth would plummet to zero before you can say sub-prime.

3) Useful forwards - These are the very rare emails which pop up in your inbox once in a blue moon. One such example I saw was the ICE campaign where people were encouraged to store a particular contact number under the universal name ICE (In Case of Emergency). If nothing else, this could prove useful at times. Another types would include email forwards exhorting people to vote etc. But such forwards are very rare and you would consider yourself lucky if your contacts send you forwards of this category more than others.

I’ve purposely excluded spam mails from this classification because they are sent directly by the spammers and to a certain extent you can block them from sending such mails again. Email forwards on the other hand are sent by people in your contact books and there is no foolproof way to block such emails from them without affecting the flow of normal mails (if they send any)

All in all, chain mails are a source of humour for me and a quick test of the sender’s intelligence and common sense. Previously I used to reply to such mails and indirectly let the sender know that all he is doing is clogging other people’s inbox. But I realized that this won’t stop people from sending chain mails anyway, so why try. Now I just smile and delete such emails while praying for the sender to get some more self-control in sending such mails.

PS. Forward this link to 25 people in the next 30 minutes or else the following will happen:-

1) The ghost of the sub-prime crisis will haunt you forever

2) Your gmail account will be deleted as Google’s servers are getting very slow

3) There will be an attack of aliens from outerspace who will get into your brain and eat all your grey matter (if they find any left).

4) North Korea will attack South Korea which will prove to be the precursor to WW III.

Useful links

• Snopes – Rumour checker
• Using gmail to fight chain mails

One of our professor’s explained today in class the famous statistics/myth which says people generally use only around 10% of their brains. Einstein, it was said, used just a little. The professor went on to say how using this 10%, humankind had sent a man to the moon and achieved so much else. There is so much potential still left if man just puts his mind to it.

I say, even with using only 1% of the mind, humankind has wrecked so much havoc in the world. To what heights would one go if one were able to use 100% of the mind?

One more attack happens in Mumbai. Hearing such news has become routine nowadays. The latest attack which happened in South Mumbai, in 5-star hotels and in CST railway station was one of the worst in recent times. This time there were no remote detonated bombs. This time terrorists literally walked in, and started shooting. What were the police doing? CST is just opposite the BMC headquarters. Isn’t there supposed to be proper security? The Maharashtra State Police headquarters is at a walking distance from the Taj Hotel. So is the Mumbai Police Headquarters. When will the government learn? How many more lives have to be lost? Has the state devoted itself to kicking out North Indians out of Mumbai? Its time you start kicking the ‘right’ people out of Mumbai, those who carry out such attacks, not those who come to Mumbai to earn a decent living.

Every terror attack now comes as a predictable sequence of events. The attack happens, the PM condemns the attacks, so does the Home Minister. There is a probe set in. And we await the results. Until the next terror attack. Is the government asking for ‘A Wednesday?’ The worst thing is that people will hail and salute the ’spirit of Mumbai.’ Mumbai will again wake up tomorrow as if nothing had happened. The spirit of Mumai? What a load of bull. It is not the spirit which brings it back to its feet, but apathy. Apathy towards the condition of the common man. The familiar reactions are ‘We were not affected by it. Why should we stop going about our daily lives?” “I have 4 mouths to feed, I have to go to work.” “Who can postpone the inevitable?” Is this what the spirit of Mumbai is all about? Turning a blind eye to the daily sufferings of fellow citizens.

Tomorrow the spirit of Mumbai should not wake up. It should instead take a long vacation. And it should not come back until the government has taken concrete measures to protect its citizens from such blatant attacks. The whole of India needs to think hard and long, are we safe in our own country? Am I alive today just by luck? Where is the safety of the common man who may get gunned down anytime due to the lackadasial approach shown by the authorities time and again.

Change was required in the US, and the people voted. A bigger change is required here. The message we need to send out to the government is we do not want you to give any condolences. We do not want you to condemn the attack. We want action. Can the government guarantee that?

Updates (Saturday)
* This attack has turned out to be one of the worst and boldest terrorist strikes in the country. It shows yet another glaring failure of the authorities to ensure safety for the common man. The impunity with which terrorist can come and attack any city in the country is shameful on our part.

* The PM has invited the ISI chief to help in the investigations! Cmon which world are you living in? Calling the people who have trained and helped to propagate these terrorists will in no measure help the investigation. The Indian government should stop being diplomatic about it and start calling a spade a spade.

* A sincere salute to the ATS officers, the MARCOS unit and above all the NSG commandos who handled the whole situation with the expertise and competence expected of them. Wish the same could be said for our inept politicians.

Three days are all you need to understand someone deeply
Three days are all you need to discover their foibles
Three days are all you need to fall in love all over again

Three days are all you need to feel the pain of their tears on your chest
Three days are all you need to see the sad goodbye in the swelled up eyes
Three days are all you need to make the everlasting wait unbearable

The rise in global crude prices, and the rapid increase in inflation has hit the Indian consumer hard. More so for the airlines. There is no longer the kind of buzz that was seen in airports just a couple of months ago. Flying has been toppled from its pedestal as the most preferred way of traveling. People are starting to turn back to railways for a slower but cheaper way to travel. This is evident from the lack of queues for the security checks, the empty seats in the departure lounges and in the airplanes itself.
…
I can see a few passengers lazily strolling about the lounge, having coffee and chatting. They choose to ignore the PA system announcing the final boarding call for their flight. Only when the desperate airline officials start asking passengers individually whether they are traveling by that flight do they realize that the plane is waiting for them. They get up, grumbling at the half-wasted coffee (even though the coffee there is awful) and throw it away to make way to the bus.
…
Kingfisher Airlines still continues to pamper its ‘guests’ but bother other passengers (and possibly make them envious) through multiple pre-boarding calls. Their air-hostesses are still the best-looking.
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While in the line, I think however much we may learn in MBA, we’re still ill-equipped to deal with other cultures. While I’m standing in the line, a man (possibly Japanese) respectfully bows down, gestures with one hand wishing to cross the line to get to the other side. I wonder what would most of us have done in his place. Just shove and push? Or maybe spill out a perfunctory ‘Excuse me?’
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Once in the plane, through the window I can see something which makes me squirm. Airports boast of being technologically modern, with conveniences of all possible kinds. But I can still see a lady sitting in a wheelchair being pushed by an airport employee in the hot Chennai sun. Why such treatment? Aren’t the buses supposed to be handicapped friendly? Why can’t she board the air-conditioned buses which all the other passengers use?
…
The flight has ended. The airplane has stopped. Here goes everyone out of their seats fetching their baggage from the overhead storage. Why are you in such a hurry uncle? Let the doors open, let the ladder be positioned. Do you want to jump out and break your bones? Relax India.

I still remember the earliest instances of me sitting in a barber shop. After cutting the hair, he used to take out this strange looking instrument, insert half a safety blade in it and then proceed to shape the sideburns and the back of my head. It was a strange but ticklish feeling. I didn’t dare move at that time.

Fast forward to the present day when you have fancy razors with n number of blades. According to a story by the Economist, it took 70 years after the invention of the safety razor to come up with a razor with two blades. Since then the number of blades has been rapidly increasing so much so that they almost seem to follow the famous Moore’s Law. And just like my computer hardware is behind in this race, so is my shaving hardware. I still use a measly two-blade razor. And I have to dig and scratch to get a smooth shave, nothing like what the ads show, one quick stroke and its done.

I’m taking the example of a specific company but I’m sure the others in this market do the same as well. We had the Gillette Sensor, then Sensor Excel, then there was the Gillette Vector (one of the worst razors I must say), then Mach 3. Recently I heard about the five-blade monster, Gillette Fusion.

I’ve also heard that there is a battery operated version too which vibrates. Talk about an oxymoron. When logic says that you need a steady hand while shaving, why would anyone need a vibrating razor? I shudder to think of the consequences of misguiding it…

But with regards to the number of blades, I have always wondered how close is close? The continuous increase in the number of blades has promised a closer shave with each improvement, but the question which comes to my mind is “What is going to be the tipping point?” How many blades would you need on a razor before one of the blades peels out the skin too. Yeah, then your cheeks would be baby red, and probably you’d cry louder than a baby too. That would be a classic law suit in the making. But strangely, the safety razors have been pretty safe.

Maybe I’ll get my chance when the six blade version comes out. Or is it already here? Till then I’ll practice my cuts and nicks with the good old two-blade version. Or for those who want otherwise, here’s a guide to good shaving. I haven’t read it tho’. I’d finish shaving faster than the time it takes to read it. Maybe I’ll read it before the day of my wedding.