Confusion is the first step to enlightenment

This may seem to be an off hand remark about some esoteric zen philosophy but every time I say it out or think about it, I realize more and more how true it really is. Confusion results from a question. The question results from the desire to know something. The question results in the individual finding out the answer to the question. Finding out the answer to the question leads to enlightenment. And so you have it. Confusion is the first step to enlightenment. There, I’ve become a philosopher.

Dharma rocks, yo!

What’s with the sudden increase in the incidents of shoes being thrown at politicians all around the world? Recently India has witnessed a rapid rise in such incidents, most of the targets being politicians. The latest incident is that of a school teacher throwing his shoe at Congress MP Naveen Jindal. Has it now become the choice of protest for us? Has burning effigies gone out of fashion? Why the hell am I posing so many questions?

What started out as a moment of boldness by Muntadhar al-Zaidi, the journalist who threw his size 10 shoes at George dubya Bush as a farewell gift is all set to metamorphosis into a national phenomenon. And luckily the targets have been well-chosen. Politicians. Now that is a group disliked and hated by members of all communities. And with the general elections coming up, the emotions of the public are likely to be on the edge. And that is why I fear we could have a tipping point very soon. Iraq is already training the next generation of shoe throwers who can aim better and harder. If the politicians don’t get their act right, the day is not far when the audience will let out a shower of dirty muddy shoes on the local neta when he comes out the next time promising bijli, sadak, and pani or asking for votes.

And as usual the MBA part of my mind strategises how I can make money out of it. I’m wondering whether it would be a good idea to buy shares in footwear companies. If the demand for such shoe hurling increases, then companies will have to ramp up production and I will make some serious capital gains. Or should I start a shoe polishing shack near the venues of election rallies. I can encourage people to shine their shoes before they let their anger out on the netas. For 5 Rs more, you can get a premium shine with extra polish to get some extra shine (on the neta’s face).

However you can count on the cunning politician to convert even this ridicule into a thing of pride. They’re most likely to say, “People have thrown shoes at me and at my opponents too. I respect them for that. But what I am here to proclaim is that I have been hit by your shoes for the most number of times. That shoes shows how much you love me. If you elect me, I promise to open new shoe shops in your town. We can have annual shoe flinging competitions where the best thrower will get a chance to campaign for me in the next election. So I ask you to please vote for me.”  Remember to press the right button. Our election symbol is shoe polish. You provide the shoe, we provide the polish.”

To paraphrase the whole trend, I will borrow a dialogue from Frank Miller’s 300

Common Man – A thousand billion citizens of the Indian Republic descend upon you. Our shoes will blot out the sun
Politician – Then we will fight with your soles (souls?)

or 7 ways to cut corners and trim costs during your marriage

As with any kind of investment, marriages have also taken a hit during the recent financial crisis. Couples are likely to postpone their wedding plans more than ever. Big fat weddings are gradually turning into tiny anorexic affairs. Although I’ve also read conflicting reports about marriages actually being on the rise in some places. Maybe that joke doing the rounds that “the situation is so bad that women are actually marrying for love nowadays” has some truth in it. Whatever be the case, for people willing to walk the plank tie the knot I’ve devised a few tips for saving money during and after the marriage. And yeah, these tips are more suitable for an Indian style wedding.

With apologies to Gabriel Garcia Marquez for plagiarizing the title, here is the collection of best practices. I do not claim a copyright on these techniques, but just in case you plan to implement any of them, do invite me to your marriage. I promise I won’t hog.

Tips for a recessionary marriage

1. Invite all your guests using email. It will save a lot on effort and resources while designing, printing and distributing wedding cards. And if you have a friend like me who can use Photoshop, you can probably pay him, or give him a invite him to the wedding as well. This “email shaadi card” trend is already gaining popularity with the IT crowd, what with every one sending one with the post script, “consider this mail as a personal invitation.” What do you want me to do? Print it out and show it at the entrance when I come to your wedding?
2. If the pundit has agreed to agreed to a unit rate contract, then you can make do with 3-4 pheras. Of course, value for money is paramount in a recession so if you can convince the pundit to go for a fixed price contract, it will work out in your favour. Be sure to extract maximum value by running around the holy fire a couple of times more to strengthen the bond with your better half all the better.
3. If if doesn’t hurt your ego too much, get rid of the white horse for your baaraat. Hire a mule, get it painted white and jump on it. The mule will be able to handle your weight for a longer duration and you can probably make it go round the wedding hall a couple of times before entering.
4. Serve limited meals during the reception. Consider a choice between a couple of rotis, or a handful of rice. Prominently display Gandhiji’s famous saying – “Eat to live, do not live to eat” near the food counters. People wanting to eat more can buy an unlimited meal coupon by paying Rs 50 at the gift counter.
5. Skip the sweets. Lifestyle based diseases are on the rise in the middle and upper class Indian households, according to a recent report by KPMG. Why should you add to the guests’ medical bill by spoiling their sweet tooth?
6. Go for a combo engagement-wedding. Saves time on rent for the wedding hall and people, food, transportation etc. Even your guests will be impressed by this innovative double-bill feature.
7. The Indian tourism industry is in tatters. Cancel your flight tickets to that exotic travel destination and book a ticket to that lonely ignored hill station within the country. Must I remind you to go for the Sleeper compartment in the train?

December is the month of marriages in India. Although it is still some time way, if the economy doesn’t stabilize, one may really need to cut back on spending. Like these, they can be many more ways to cut corners and save some more bucks. Maybe you the reader can contribute more of such tips and help a few adventurous couples take the next logical(?) step in their life together. So until the next recessionary cycle, here’s wishing all such souls a happily married life.

I just finished reading the book “In spite of the Gods – The strange rise of modern India” by Edward Luce. I had eyed this book since a long time and had delayed buying it for some reason. Luckily, I found a second-hand copy of the book in Pondicherry. I had started reading the book on my way back to Pondicherry, and to my utter surprise (and shock), the first paragraph itself had a mention of Pondicherry and the community set up near it, Auroville. The introduction talks about the author’s meetings with people living in Auroville and how India is known mainly for its spirituality. The author seemed none too amused by this impression of India and that is what he sets out to change in the book.

The author, Edward Luce, covers all the major areas of concern for India, which include social, political, religious and economic. The structure of the book itself is such that each chapter focuses on one burning issue from these field. Luce covers India pre-independence, the timeline of the major political parties and the rise of the newer parties. Religion ocupies a central position in Indian households and he focuses on the largest two religions in the country and the problems which have arisen between them as well. He goes on to analyze India’s past relation with the US and the Soviets, and the current equation between India-China and India-Pakistan.

The book ends with the issues India faces and the opportunities the country has to become a major power in the 21st century. According to the author, India would do well not to become complacent of its newfound growth. Only if it deals with the issues in a proactive  manner will it manage to reach the level which is being expected of it. And one of the important ways is by the electorate to vote in such a way which brings the political party most capable of bringing about the change which is required. This endnote becomes all the more relevant in light of the up coming elections.

What I really liked about the book was its comprehensiveness in all the issues it tackles. Luce does not refrain from calling a spade a spade. The interplays between rival political parties especially SP vs BSP is wittitly depicted with Amar Singh again making a fool out of himself. Luce has described the rise of caste politics quite vividly. The book goes beyond slums and spirituality which is all what India is made out to be. I totally agree with the author’s belief that India is much more than a few squalid slums and some old-age Vedic literature. Luce makes the book more interesting by its witty jokes and humourous anecdotes he has come across while living in India.

The cons of this books are minor, yet I’ll list them down all the same. More space could have been devoted to the rise of IT in India. I know this industry has been written to death but in a book about the rise of modern India, IT should deserve a considerable share. Luce could also have researched more about the rise of manufacturing in India which is all set to accelerate in growth once the global economy gets back on track. Also I noticed that the author seemed to have a very critical view on Bollywood where he describes the typical Indian movie as “a blend of brilliantly choreographed titillation.” Agreed that song, dance and rain play a major role in Indian movies, but lately the film industry has also produced very good movies. If anything else, the author would have had good words for alternate Indian cinema. Luce also had a negative view of the nationalist political parties in India, which for all pratical purposes, means the BJP. The author himself admits to this bias.

All in all, I found In spite of the Gods to be a quite comprehensive read about modern India. The book goes beyond a superficial introduction to the country and dives well into some of the major issues affecting the country in recent times. It explains patiently the contradictions which India faces at each and every step of its journey. Luce has painted a masterpiece about one of the fastest developing nations in the world. Which brings me to my next question – Why do foreign nationals, be it Edward Luce, Gregory David Roberts or William Dalrymple make for better writers about India than us Indians?

I’ve written in the past about unwanted email forwards and how they are more hilarious than irritating. Recently I received an email about ‘Do not open this mail, it contains a dangerous virus.’ The one thing that comes to my mind is that people who actually need such instructions would have already opened such mails and downloaded the virus, and people who do not need such warnings would be well off even without the forwards.

The surprising thing about email forwards is that no one is immune to sending them, even if the person has decades of experience in an IT company. Indeed most of the forwards are sent by techies having nothing better to do than to keep checking their inbox every 10 minutes. If only they would be so proactive in their coding.

The logic used by the people who chain-forward is that it is better to be safe than sorry, or why take chances when it is free of cost. Agreed, that forwarding an email doesn’t cost a dime, but no one keeps track of the time wasted on forwards and checking such emails. But the problem is that people (at least here in India) are gullible about most things on the Internet and most of them fail to do a simple background check before clicking that Forward button and spamming contacts with unwanted emails. Combine that by inserting a religious theme – Lord Ganesha will be furious, or Shani maharaj will do unwanted stuff to you in the future etc. and you have all the elements of a blockbuster chain email. I have yet to see what the situation is in more ‘developed’ countries. Still I’ve seen such chain messages even in YouTube comments so I’m not too confident about the situation being otherwise there too.

I divide email forwards into three categories:-

1) Totally useless/harmful – These are the kind of mails which do not provide any value add whatsoever. Most of them include a scary warning about relatives dying, or god cursing the receiver of the email if he or she doesn’t forward the email to 25 people in the next 4 hours or so.

2) Well intentioned but inaccurate – Out of the three types, these seem to be the largest group of email forwards which make the rounds. They consist of a seemingly useful piece of information which has been twisted, turned, exaggerated to make it seem more dangerous and urgent to act upon. Most of the time, it is all the handiwork of an idle person. These would include the rumours of plastics in Kurkure (read the clarification here), or the Coke-mentos story. Probably the Kurkure email was started by some over enthusiastic parent wanting to dissuade children from eating junk food. One of the most famous series of this category is the ones where Microsoft or Yahoo claims to donate 1$ every time a particular email is forwarded. Agreed, Bill Gates is philantrophic but if he decides to donate his money based on chain emails, his net worth would plummet to zero before you can say sub-prime.

3) Useful forwards - These are the very rare emails which pop up in your inbox once in a blue moon. One such example I saw was the ICE campaign where people were encouraged to store a particular contact number under the universal name ICE (In Case of Emergency). If nothing else, this could prove useful at times. Another types would include email forwards exhorting people to vote etc. But such forwards are very rare and you would consider yourself lucky if your contacts send you forwards of this category more than others.

I’ve purposely excluded spam mails from this classification because they are sent directly by the spammers and to a certain extent you can block them from sending such mails again. Email forwards on the other hand are sent by people in your contact books and there is no foolproof way to block such emails from them without affecting the flow of normal mails (if they send any)

All in all, chain mails are a source of humour for me and a quick test of the sender’s intelligence and common sense. Previously I used to reply to such mails and indirectly let the sender know that all he is doing is clogging other people’s inbox. But I realized that this won’t stop people from sending chain mails anyway, so why try. Now I just smile and delete such emails while praying for the sender to get some more self-control in sending such mails.

PS. Forward this link to 25 people in the next 30 minutes or else the following will happen:-

1) The ghost of the sub-prime crisis will haunt you forever

2) Your gmail account will be deleted as Google’s servers are getting very slow

3) There will be an attack of aliens from outerspace who will get into your brain and eat all your grey matter (if they find any left).

4) North Korea will attack South Korea which will prove to be the precursor to WW III.

Useful links

• Snopes – Rumour checker
• Using gmail to fight chain mails

This incident took place when I was travelling from Chennai to Mumbai by train. A vendor was selling an assortment of food items including potato wafers, chips and other eatables. As is the style in Indian trains, he was continuously shouting out what he was selling. This mainly included, “Wafers… kurkure…”.

But as soon as he came near our berth, where four of us guys were sitting, he immediately started shouting out “…cigarettes, gutkha, Manikchand…” How’s that for effective customer segmentation? Not that we bought anything from him, but on average this strategy would definitely help him garner more sales. Who says you need an MBA from a B-school to be an effective seller?

One of my favourite ads is the Priceless series by Mastercard. This is where they list down a few expenses and then as the punchline, deliver something which cannot be measured in money. It conjures up a beautiful combination of pride and emotion for the viewer. Here’s my own version of the ad if ever the Indian Railways decided to follow that format..

Read more…

The following one-liners are inspired from an in-classroom conversation…

People who use humour consistently about any topic are trying to hide some guilt in the past. By using humour, they are trying to lessen their guilt in that topic.
- Psychology 101

People who have a good grasp of psychology are more likely to have been diagnosed by a shrink before.
- Psychology 102 (retort directed at the above statement)

Finding humour in seemingly unimportant daily occurrences is the key to living a stress-free life.
- Spirituality 101

Finding awakenness in a sleepy morning is the key to classroom decorum.
- Classroom Etiquette 101

Sleeping in class with eyes open is winning half the battle; the rest is won by just not caring when you’re actually awake.
- Classroom Etiquette 102

One of our professor’s explained today in class the famous statistics/myth which says people generally use only around 10% of their brains. Einstein, it was said, used just a little. The professor went on to say how using this 10%, humankind had sent a man to the moon and achieved so much else. There is so much potential still left if man just puts his mind to it.

I say, even with using only 1% of the mind, humankind has wrecked so much havoc in the world. To what heights would one go if one were able to use 100% of the mind?

I had been planning the trip to Pondicherry for a long time now. I had been there last Diwali but hadn’t explored much of the place then. My friends and I decided to take advantage of a long weekend to make this trip finally. We left IIT campus on Saturday afternoon, caught a shared auto to the Madhya Kailash bus stand. Just opposite the Indira Nagar railway station, the buses for Pondicherry halt. Just as we reached MK, there was a bus waiting. We ran to the bus, catching it filmi shtyle, almost not paying the auto driver. Luckily the bus was not crowded and we could find a seat each. Our main aim had been to save money elsewhere to spend it all on food. So we planned to economize at every opportunity we got. For around 55 bucks each, we had a one way ticket to Pondicherry. The bus ride took around 3 hours. The driver seemed to be enjoying the ECR as it normally takes lesser time than that. The blue coastline brought back many fond memories of beaches and coastal roads elsewhere. After reaching Pondicherry, we first made our way to a bike rental place. The best place to move around in Pondicherry is through such rented vehicles. You can get a geared, ungeared scooter or even a bicycle. But judging from the hot weather in Pondy, I wouldn’t recommend getting a bicycle. Get a bike, fill it up with as much petrol as you’re willing and leisurely cruise through the streets of Pondy. Even the fuel there is almost 10 Rs cheaper than in Chennai. One word is to watch out for the traffic. The streets are narrow, and people drive wild. There is no concept of two lanes, and you will find traffic coming from all different directions together.

Streets of Pondy

After getting the means to move around, the second goal was to get some grub. We found a nice quiet bakery and fast food joint – Daily Bread. The food was quite decent though a bit expensive. But we didn’t mind. We stuffed ourselves and then hopped on to the bikes to search for a place to stay. Here too we had consciously decided to keep a strict budget. So after a few enquiries, we found a “cheap” hotel to spend the night. Hotel Ellora, nicely situated in a by-lane of Mission Street. The tariff worked out to a measly 100 bucks per person per night. But I would recommend this place only for people who have not been spoilt for comfort. A strict no no if you’re going with your family or have a female member in the group. Since we were eight carefree guys, we had no qualms about the cobwebs or the dirty linen (although we did tell them to change it) or the creaking fans. If I look back, the hotel was more of a haunted house. I wouldn’t have the guts to stay alone in such a hotel. The architecture was old colonial style with wooden beams along the ceiling and split windows. Each room was of a different shape. Somehow we managed to stuff eight people in two rooms. We left our luggage there and then made our way back to the city.

Pondicherry is divided into two parts, one is the French quarter and the other is the Tamil quarter. Both these parts are divided by the parallel running streets – HM Kasim Street (Ambour Salai) and SC Bose Street (Gingee Salai) The French influence is evident in the naming of the streets, the architecture of the buildings, especially on the beach front. Goubert Avenue (Beach Road) is the most popular hang out spot, with its beach facing promenade providing a wonderful view of the Bay of Bengal. In the evenings, throngs of people visit the promenade walking leisurely on the 1.5km waterfront. Other places of interest in the city would include the Aurobindo Ashram, the Cathedral and the Botanical Garden.

No trip to Pondy is complete without a trip to Auroville. It is located around 12 km from Pondy. Since we had rented bikes, it was a simple matter of reaching Auroville. However autos and taxis are available for a return journey from Pondy to Auroville and back which would cost around 200 and 350 bucks respectively (according to the travel guide). Auroville was established in 1968 by a Frenchwoman Mira Alfassa who was called the Mother. She named the town after Sri Aurobindo, as an example of realizing a new society where people from different nationalities and faiths would live in peace and harmony. Whatever your belief, Auroville is a place worth visiting. Its peaceful surroundings and quiet life makes you want to spend a quiet afternoon sitting under a tree (not) thinking about life’s problems.

Verite, Auroville

The visitor’s centre at Auroville has a cafe and a few souvenir shops. The souvenirs are made in Auroville itself. Although expensive, they make for a nice gift. One of the most interesting places we visited in Auroville was an area called Verite. Situated opposite a guest-house, Verite had a meditation hall, and beside it a small pool of fish. The unique thing about this place was that you were supposed to remove your footwear and dip your feet in the pool. These small fish would slowly come and gently touch your feet and go. Soon you will find a huge number of fish gently pecking at your feet. Some say they clean up the dirt on the feet. I’m not too sure, but the experience was certainly unique. There were a few big fish in the pool too. I wonder if they’d clean up my toes as well. The Matrimandir forms the centerpiece of the community. It is a huge meditation hall in the shape of a sphere and it contains the world’s biggest man-made crystal ball. According to an information video, the sun rays are deflected through an opening at the top of the sphere and directed on to the crystal ball. Visiting the Matrimandir, however, requires prior permission so its better if you book in advance to visit the dome. After spending a few tranquil hours in Auroville, we made our way to Paradise Beach.

Also known as Chunnambar Beach, this beautiful travel spot is located about 8km from Pondy. It had facilities for water sports but we couldn’t spot any such activity. A boat ferried us across the Chunnambar river to Paradise Beach. For me this was one of the best places to visit when in Pondy. The bright blue sea and the light blue sky almost blended into each other, the white sand providing the contrast. The beach is relatively small and quiet. It is a wonderful place for a date if you’re willing to spend an hour or so walking in the hot sun and sitting on the burning sand. But then, I’m sure you won’t mind such minor squabbles.

We then drove back to the city and spent an hour or two roaming on the promenade. I had heard about a book fair in some part of Pondy when we had arrived. I am not a person to miss a book sale and so we set out in search of the book fair. We found it easily (its opposite the Cathedral for those interested and in Pondy) and luckily I found a few books at a very cheap price. Satisfied and smug at the bargain, we then made our way back to the dinner place and stuffed ourselves. The next day we were supposed to leave early for Chennai (still have classes to attend), so we slept early. The next day, we returned the same way, in a state transport bus. The return journey was much quicker, but that could be because I slept most of the way. We got down at Thiruvanmiyur and made our way back to the IIT campus. And that was the wonderful end of a wonderful journey

I found Pondicherry to be an excellent holiday destination. Many people are attracted to the place because of its inexpensive liquor (it, being a Union Territory, doesn’t attract any tax). But the quaint city (town?) has so much else to offer that the best state to explore Pondy is when you’re sober! The slogan adopted by Pondicherry tourism – Give time a break – really seems to hold true here. The pace of life is so different that you will never want to go back to the hustle of a big city.